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Combiner Comboner

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NOTE: These pictures can also be seen over at Mrcappy’s gallery
mrcappy.deviantart.com
He was very gracious and gave me permission to upload his drawings here…seeing as I’m Mrcappy.
In other words, these aren’t stolen unless you think I plagiarized myself.

HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT OPTIMUS PRIME AND JETFIRE COMBINE IN THE MOVIE?!

Now, if your first reaction is “OMG JASSN Y DID U SPOIL THIS I DID NOT NO THIS U RUINED TEH MOVIE 4EVER!!111!!!”
Then you deserve to have it spoiled for you.
You’re no true Transformer fan!

Several of these so-called fans have stated that they have avoided learning any of the plotline so that they could be surprised when they see it in theaters. The crap is that about? A REAL fan knew the entire plot two months ago.

Anyway, the movie’s finally hit the Americas (I understand having it released in Japan a week earlier, seeing as the film is more of an safety instructional video to the citizens). There’s one more slight spoiler in order to explain the context to this drawing, so without further ado I give you the moment I know you’ve all been waiting for…

====================
Cappitron Reviews Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
====================
I.
HAD.
A.
FRICKIN’.
BLAST.
That’s right. Look, if you hate Michael Bay, that’s fine. Just don’t go and see his movies. It reminds me of when I read reviews on the ‘Mega Man’ videogame series. I constantly read introductions of “I’ve never liked ‘Mega Man’ because I thought it was repetitive and stupid so here’s my review: I felt the new game was repetitive and stupid.” It always dumbfounded me as to why they don’t have fans of the genre to review movies and games.

I wanna hear what a transfan thinks of the film!
…and by “transfan” I mean a transformer fan, not a transsexual fan.
Although I guess that gives both something in common.
ROBERTS IN DISGUISE!

As such I have, and I’m sure you too, read and saw movie reviews absolutely full of venomous hate. Literal hate. I picture computers with spittle guards covered in slobber…and quite possibly gnaw marks around the computer monitor. The disgust radiates off of people for this movie. Reviewers have made claims that this is the worst thing they have ever seen.
Really?
How about the thought of your dad being molested by Tony The Tiger?
See, now THAT’S the worst thing you could ever see.
“That’s GRRRRRross!”

And what did Michael Bay ever do to you?
It’s not like he…oh my.
Did…did HE molest you in the theater?!
It all makes sense now, because if Michael Bay was penetrating you in the theater whilst he hummed the Transformers theme song I can understand how that could put a damper on your movie going experience.
So unless Michael Bay really DID rape you at the Regal Cinema, stop acting like he did.

I was so nervous walking into the theater, thinking that this was an autobot atrocity and decepticon disaster with reviews on how stupid the jokes were and how stupid the plot was.
I’m glad I saw the film with stupid people.
The audience was cackling at the dorky antics and gasping at the special effects. It reminded me that this was what ‘Transformers’ was supposed to be: getting to see believable robots do unbelievable things. It was such a joy to hear people having a genuinely wonderful time watching a stupidly fun movie. If you find yourself frowning the entire time and whining that the human dialogue is being unrealistic, then maybe you forgot on what moments captivated you about the transformers in the first place.

I don’t know what you were promised, but I was promised robots doing more horrible things to other robots, and the movie delivered.
Heck, Optimus Prime takes on THREE robots at the same time!
That’s, like, a three-hundred-percent increase in Prime’s badassitude!
That scene’s gotta be on a nonstop loop in Heaven.
There’s so much sweet action I think I have diabetes now.

Now, to show I can be objective, there are indeed flaws with the film. The non-robot-murdering scenes and pacing do make the film feel MUCH longer, despite only being a few minutes more than the first movie. And to better explain my picture, they added MORE romance elements to the plot. And it’s the worst kind of relationship dynamic of boyfriend plus girlfriend plus hot nympho that was never around when the dude was effing single. Luckily, he wasn’t the Shia LaDouche that I thought he’d be played up as. Still, the girlfriend conveniently walking in on guy and nympho and girlfriend storming off leaves its predictable stench.

And there’s the Twins.
The gangsta goons Skids and Mudflap have already launched the scientific community into a frenzy working on the paradox “is it even possible to make characters more offensive than Jazz was?” At this point, I’m not sure if Michael Bay is trying to be racist. When asked who were his favorite Transformers in the new movie, he stated the Twins were. It strikes me that maybe he’s in love with the concept of Black people, meaning he doesn’t personally have any Black friends and has gleaned Black culture from the media. If only there were trusted people to say “aww hell naw dawg” when he thinks of putting in offensive material…
Do I have any volunteers to be Michael Bay’s Black friends?
Don’t let Jazz’s (character) assassination be in vain!!
-The “While Not Initially Funny When I Watched It, Having A Twelve-Year-Old Flatly Explain To Me That “I Saw Jetfire Fart Out A Parachute” Has Made The Scene Magical” Cappitron
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HP oj7400
© 2009 - 2024 Cappitron
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trans2rotf's avatar
Except if it's actually hot.