Cappitron on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/cappitron/art/Fun-Factor-In-Disguise-191051180Cappitron

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Fun Factor In Disguise

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NOTE: These pictures can also be seen over at Mrcappy’s gallery
mrcappy.deviantart.com
He was very gracious and gave me permission to upload his drawings here…seeing as I’m Mrcappy.
In other words, these aren’t stolen unless you think I plagiarized myself.
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Cappitron’s Short-Circuited Rant
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I listen to the radio. For you young whippersnappers, a radio is an electronic brick with twistable knobs located in a vehicle or in a museum dedicated to obsolete crap. Oh man…I just realized we live in the Jetsons-era push button society and that knobs are a thing of the past. Knobs, it was a helluva run!

KNOBS
R.I.P.
1947-2006
YOU DANCE WITH THE ANGELS NOW

Anyway. I’m too much of a cheapskate to purchase those XFINITY or SIRIUS or XM pay programs. So I’m stuck with free radio and the three mariachi stations, four Christian companion station, the classical music station, two country stations, a jazz station with the name River or Stream so they can make the pun about smooth jazz flowing into your speakers, and that one station that plays awesome songs but will dissipate if you cross county lines. If I were to throw down a rectangle with a picture of Grant on it, I could then have a channel dedicated to nothing but 80s music or a station hosted by Nick Nolte who introduces indie music which accumulates into what sounds like a nun wailing at the bottom of a dry well. But I get something that subscribers don’t get: local commercials!

Local commercials are wonderfully absurd. One commercial is for a hydroponics and smoke shop.
“Oh, you mean like a cigarette store?”
No. If they sold cigarettes, the store would be called “Cigarettes For A Reasonable Price But Are Still Expensive Due To State Taxation” or something to that effect. A smoke shop is a not-so-clever pseudonym for the weed shop with names like “JRR Toke N’s Land Of The Herb-Hits”. And the attempts by stoners to market a commercial at non-stoners and to fool the po-po fails spectacularly. “Dude, check out our SMOKIN’ selection of hydroponics equipment…so you can grow vegetables all year long!” Yes, because people buy hydroponics so that they can grow baby tomatoes and carrots in their closet. In colleges across Massachusetts, kids are listening to Bob Marley and hitting a bowl…of organic salsa from the veggies they harvested from their hydroponics equipment. I’d be flabbergasted if the cops didn’t just sit out front of the smoke shop and just nab the people who go into it.

And in time for the Christmas holiday, Raley’s had the best worst radio commercial I’ve heard in quite some time. Raley’s is a grocery chain, and their commercial involved a spokesperson randomly calling up patrons who regularly visit the store.
Rep: Hi Mary, I hear that you’re planning a big holiday dinner!
Mary: Why yes, we generally throw a dinner for family and friends. And this year, with Peter being laid off, money has…well…we’ve been struggling.
Rep: Mary, Raley’s appreciates your patronage all these years, and we want to help you out!
Mary: Oh god *sob* thank you! We can’t even pay the mortgage, and this will be a godsen—
Rep: We have a spiral cut ham that is glazed by hand, and averages out to $4.00 per person, and is available now!
Mary: Wh-what?
Rep: Doesn’t that sound delicious?
Mary: YOU CALLED ME UP TO SOLICIT ME TO BUY MORE OF YOUR OVERPRICED GARBAGE?! IF I EVER FIND YOU I WILL RIP OFF YOUR BA—
Rep: Raley’s will be YOUR little helper this year for holiday savings!
Mary: YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER WHY WOULD YOU WORD IT LIKE I WAS GONNA WIN SOMETHING PETER WAS SO EXCITED YOU INDUCED HIM INTO A DIABETIC SEIZURE PETER DON’T YOU DIE ON MEEEEE~

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The Lowdown On The Download
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I have had a revelation: Transformers aren’t fun anymore.
Before you click unsubscribe hear me out.
As mentioned previously, I work with children, and one of the ways I found to bond with them is to share your likes. If your like is beer pong, you may wanna go a different route. But with me, art, games, and Transformers make it so kids are excited when I show up.
And therein lies the problem.

I have scoured the stores looking for kid-friendly robots, and there are very few. Don’t get me wrong, Hasbro continues to design some awesome LOOKING toys, but can you honestly say you have FUN transforming these things? Some of these newer Transformers have like twenty-something steps to them so that I feel like I’m trying to solve the puzzle box from Hellraiser and a cenobite will be unleashed if I accidently dislodge a leg. I’ve gotten many a munchkin excited about Transformers, but during my visits I see a Cybertronian slaughterfest with gutted robot appendages strewn about the carpet.

I’ve ended up going to ebay and purchasing old school Transformers; the ones made out of lead-saturated metal and transform from ugly car to ugly robot in four steps.
But the fact is that in four steps a child actually accomplishes something.
You can try to argue with me that I could buy scout class or—heaven forbid—fast action battlers. I tell you what, FABs were the most officially bottlegged toys I have ever bought and felt like they’d crumble in my hands. I appreciate how awesome the newer Transformers look and how much stuff they can cram under the hood, but when I try getting a new generation hooked on plastic crack, I have a hard time suggesting the new brand if even I can’t figure out the steps without studying the instructions like doing so will earn me a degree in engineering.

In that sense, I think Transformers are moving away and losing sight of what made them great, kids having fun with robots. They seem more geared to older collectors by rebooting classic characters, which is nice, but the added double digit steps doesn’t capture the charm of those old toys.

Am I right, or do you have a different take on it? It’s okay to disagree with my opinion, as long as we both agree that your opinion is wrong!
-The “The Greatest Victim In All This Is Of Course Kevin’s Fashion Sense” Cappitron
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Comments12
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ScreamtotheStars's avatar
Agreed. My dad has an engineering degree from GA Tech and couldn't figure out the Ultimate Mechtech Optimus... it was rediculous. But vaguely hilarious.